Who's Swinging from Your Tree Limbs?

I haven't blogged in a few weeks. I wish I could say I've been tip-toeing through the tulips but I haven't. I've been meandering through graveyards. Online graveyards.

Many years ago, way before we could do searches online, I struggled to learn who was perched in my family tree. I battled relatives who wanted me to mind my own business and others who laughed at me for wanting to know where that large McGinty nose came from, or those squinty, sleepy Roach eyes. Finally, the war of the relatives (and a divorce) had me packing my paperwork away for another time. And then I passed it on to family members who have since died. The paperwork has made its way back to me.

So now it's time to finish the story--especially considering my own age. How hard can it be these days with ancestry.com and findagrave.com. Not as difficult as it was 40 years ago. I've found graves, marriage licenses, mugshots of relatives, and much more. And because my mother's long-term memory is much stronger/clearer than her short term memory, I'm learning some juicy stuff. Talk about addictive!

I've spent hours searching findagrave.com. I located old friends who have passed away and I didn't even know it. When did those friendships disappear from my life? In my mind, I thought about them, remembered fun times with them. Each time they popped into my memory it was as if we'd just been together. One, a writer and teacher, and one of my best friends for a number of years, was instrumental in my own progress as a writer. We went to a lot of conferences together; critiqued each other, read each other's books, but we'd lost touch. She retired, quit writing and turned to other things. When I came across her obit, I sat and cried ... for myself, I guess. Just because I didn't know.

On ancestry.com I located a couple of dead husbands. Yeah, unfortunately, they were mine.

Searching your family tree can sure make you stop and think about relationships, the value you place on family and friends. It can be darned depressing too, when you count up how many younger family members have passed on long before they should have.

If there's someone you need or want to talk with, share a laugh with, or a memory, or even interview--do it now. Don't wait. Time is passing at breakneck speed. Pick up the phone now. Call them. Write that letter. Don't wait.

I Lost Another Lela

Lela Black Kohler
Lela Black Kohler, 92, passed away Saturday, June 14, 2008, peacefully in her sleep, in the comfort of her daughter's home in Katy, TX.

Back in late November, I lost a good writer friend/critique partner. Her name was Lela. Last week, I lost a dear reader friend/soul mate. Her name was Lela too. What made this Lela so dear to me was that we connected on several levels. Here are five things I loved about Lela Kohler:

1) She never said a mean thing about anyone. When my husband worked in Houston, Lela would ride with us, meet up with her daughter and they'd spend a week or two together. On our return trip, we'd usually stop at Cracker Barrel to eat. Lela would order some sweet concoction--Apple Dumplings, I believe. We'd talk about everything under the sun but especially the church we attend. Lela was a member for more than 50 years and I enjoyed hearing stories about friends we had in common. Lela never said a mean thing to me about anyone. Some people are just naturally nice. She was one of them.

2) Lela was a social butterfly. She'd go anywhere at the drop of a hat. I loved her spontaneity. I'd call and ask if she wanted to go to the book store and she'd say "Give me fifteen minutes to get ready." The older I get, the more spontaneity I lose. The fact that Lela loved to go to socials and parties and meetings and shopping irritated some. They felt a woman in her late 80s should stay home. Lela was a good example--for all of us. We grow old faster if we aren't social.

3) Lela was a reader. When we went to the book store, she browsed with pleasure. She walked the aisles, reading the titles of various books, caressing their spines. And when it was time to go, she'd take out a snip of paper with the title of a book she wanted. I liked that she actually bought something. I've never enjoyed 'window' shopping. If I can't buy a book, I don't want to be in the book store. I loved the way Lela appreciated and treasured books and writers.

4) Lela loved chocolate. When we'd go out to eat, I'd ask her if she wanted dessert. "Do you think I could get a chocolate bar to take home with me?" She explained how she liked to savor it in the privacy of her own home. I like that. I like that she was honest enough to say it.

5) Lela was a pack rat. My true soul sister. We had many serious discussions about saving things from newspapers and magazines. I was thrilled to know someone who understood exactly why I have trouble discarding things. Lela's house looked like mine. :)

And so I sit here today thinking about my friend Lela and visualizing her family going through her belongings and wondering why their mother kept such strange useless items. I wish they understood.

This scripture reminds me of Lela.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Lela Black Kohler
Born May 18, 1916 -- Died June 14, 2008

Lela went to sleep one night and woke up with Jesus. A fitting way for my sweet friend to leave this earth. God blessed her and I was blessed to be a part of her life.