Starting Over

My mind is blank when it comes to blogging these days. I'm not sure why. I feel as though I'm starting everything from scratch. Nonfiction writing, being president of the local writers' group and handling our contest, thinking about our upcoming conference and in charge of a couple of the speakers, doing a few one-on-one critiques with new writers, trying to fit in with a new crit group . . . all of this feels overwhelming. It's not that I'm busy with all things constantly--just constantly thinking of all these things. I find myself escaping into the "I wish I designed jewelry" mindset. That's where I escape to when I mentally procrastinate. I find it relaxing to design jewelry in my mind. :-)

I'm thinking of other things too: the 2009 NaNoWrMo and finishing the novel I started last year. That's my goal for November. Every year I write 100 pages of a book. Thanksgiving comes around and I quit writing, so it makes sense to start with page 101 and finish the book before Thanksgiving. Right? Sure it does!

My biggest problem is: rewriting Miranda for the secular (general) market place.
Or do I? That's the big question--do I? I really wanted to be a part of the Christian writing arena but I'm not sure I fit in.

Another problem is: looking for a new agent. Or do I?
Why should I? Answer: I've lost faith in my agent. He hasn't been encouraging or knowlegeable about the markets available to me. I don't like his submission methods. He has no follow-up. I think he handles too many clients for what he's capable of. This is my observation only. But when I see clients leaving him and going to other agents, I feel as though I'm the last rat on a sinking ship.
So why shouldn't I? I should. I just DID. I needed motivation and I got it because. . .I've spotted a new agent that seems interesting and has a lot on the ball. She's a former editor. That gives her an advantage in my opinion. I think she'll make a name for herself. Now I'll have to decide if I have the courage to query her. ;/

It would be nice to have someone tell me exactly what to do. I'm good with deadlines. Really good. I wish I had an editor or an agent who would give me one, take control, tell me exactly what I need to be doing. Guess that's asking a little too much, huh? And like my husband says, "if you have to ask, then you already know."

I'm not starting over. I'm just chasing my own tail. Trying to accomplish something but not getting anything done. I've become so fascinated with 'chasing my tail' that I Googled it to see if there is a remedy for curing it. Of course, there is. (There's a remedy for everything. All you have to do is Google.)

The remedy applies to dogs but makes sense for humans too. Here are 3 solutions for tail-chasers:

1) Get involved in a lifestyle enrichment program, including increased exercise, and a healthy diet.
2) Alleviate oppressive circumstances such as excessive periods of confinement.
3) Medication.

Some people have tried amputation of the tail but that does not resolve the problem.

I've taken the first step. I'm agent-less now. And that doesn't bother me one bit because God is in control. He may bring me this new young vivacious agent - or He may send me back to the secular market. He gave me the desire and the talent; He won't abandon me.

So this week I resolve to focus. On something. Pray that I don't focus on chasing my tail.
Have a good week.