I used to watch David the Gnome with my daughter. David was the perfect Papaw. He headed a precious family of little people who greeted each other by rubbing noses. I have a lot of good memories and many hours invested in David the Gnome cartoons. That’s why I was very curious about
How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack by Chuck Sambuchino. How dare this Sambuchino guy malign the reputation of my David! So you see, I agreed to review
Garden Gnome Attack for a reason; I had my own agenda.
My first thought was, why would I
want to survive a garden gnome attack? If those sweet little people attack, it’s probably to shower me with hugs and kisses. I had planned to defend them with such conviction that not one word of Sambuchino’s book would penetrate my soul--or yours.
But . . . when
How To Survive a Garden Gnome Attack arrived and I ripped open the package, the cover alone turned my blood to ice. My heart pounded. I felt sick and had to sit down. There was a David look-alike holding an ax
. One caption read ‘
benign appearance belies murderous intent.’ I flipped to the first page only to read, “Keep reading if you want to live.”
Yikes!
How To Survive a Garden Gnome Attack sounds like a fun book, but really, you shouldn't read it if you're alone in the house ... or if it's dark outside ... or if you're a pack rat with piles of clutter. Gnomes can hide in clutter. I promise you, you'll be only pages into this interesting read before you're lifting your feet off the floor and searching the room for teeny tiny red caps. I've actually found myself glancing across the yard for 'stonescaping' while on the way to the mailbox. Stonescaping (akin to agriglyphs) is the "art of arranging stones to convey intention, a cunning means of nonverbal communication." I asked my husband if we could cap the chimney; we've ordered several motion-activated lights. The electrician comes next week.
This book might look and sound innocent enough, but ... it's the sweetest little horror story you'll ever read; one that will stay with you for the rest of your life. The photography is wonderful, and adds another layer to the goosebumps. Scroll to the bottom and watch the book trailer. You'll know exactly why I'm no longer a David the Gnome fan.
To read a couple of good interviews with Chuck Sambuchino who has to be one of the most talented, imaginative guys in the country, go
HERE and
HERE. Now read on to learn more about this book ... and how to save yourself from those creepy little garden gnomes.
ABOUT THE BOOK:
How to Survive a GARDEN GNOME ATTACK
Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will)
by Chuck Sambuchino
With an irresistible charm, gnomes seem friendly—even welcoming. By the millions, we brought them into our homes and gardens. And, in so doing, we unwittingly courted this threat. Now we must learn to defend ourselves.
Hiding in plain sight and feigning innocence and merriment, garden gnomes are seeking world domination. THINK ABOUT IT. They have infiltrated every state in America and exist on every continent. Deceptively benign, the common garden gnome has quietly lulled citizens everywhere into a false sense of security. They hide behind their wheel-barrows and disarm unwary suburban dwellers with their rosy cheeks so that no one notices the weaponry they wield. Those rakes, shovels, and pick-axes are not harmless decorations. Alert the Garden Gnome Liberation Front: It is not the gnomes who need saving. Be aware and be afraid. Wake up to the danger.
Chuck Sambuchino is a certified GDE (Gnome Defense Expert) with years of experience in direct combat—guerilla lawnfare style.
HOW TO SURVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK outlines a proven four-step strategy—Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply—for safeguarding family, pets, and possessions against home gnome invasions. The only published handbook of its kind, this indispensable manual features detailed plans for gnomeproofing dwellings inside and out, instructions for hand-to-hand confrontations, correct gnomenclature, guidelines for compiling an effective arsenal, illuminating case studies of human vs. gnome clashes throughout history, plus ten tips that could save your life.
Would you know how to stop a gnome from tunneling under your house? Would you recognize the signs of suspicious activity or an impending infiltration in your neighborhood? If the answer is ‘no’ then you need to buy this book. The danger is real and it is here. Don’t wait until it is too late.
Chuck Sambuchino lives a guarded life in a heavily fortified residence somewhere in Ohio. He is available for interviews, consultations, and commando missions, via his publicist, Kara Van de Water -
kara.vandewater@tenspeed.com510-285-2966
View the book trailer here!
Hardcover $14.99 full-color 112 pages 978-1-58008-463-5
Published by Ten Speed Press, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, Inc.
Sometimes I feel I have way too many irons in the fire. I get tired, run down and sometimes feel overwhelmed. If it wasn't for writer friends and writer groups, it would be easy to get interested in something other than writing--something that doesn't drain the emotions on a continuous basis. Yesterday I visited an online group called the Insecure Writer's Support Group. You can check it out HERE. I read a few of the blogposts and actually felt myself getting a little depressed. Some of these writer's were really reaching out, bearing their soul about their insecurities. That seemed to feed my own insecurities so I had to quit reading. The point of this group is for bloggers, on the first Wednesday of each month, to blog about some problem, or need or insecurity or question they have, and comments are left to encourage. One person blogged about hope. She said she knew her present novel wouldn't get her there and that her hope and belief are fading. Her post spoke to me and actually brought tears to my eyes. I've reached the point where I'm trying not to think about whether anything I write will get me there. In fact, I'm probably reaching the age that it's a little too late to get there. But, her post made me look hard at the word hope. That's when I saw a message to ME. 
