Sometimes I really do like what I write more than I like what others suggest for what I write. Of course, I realize that doesn't mean I'm correct. I'm giving you free rein with my pitch here. Does it work or not? Rewrite it if you can do better or if you see weaknesses, identify them for me.
I've posted what I pitched to my agent (former agent) and what I included in the proposal to him. I've also included how he revised and pitched to the editors. I guess this is a perfect example of how we fall in love with our own words. Even though the agent used everything that really does happen in the book, it sounds so incredibly boring that I wouldn't buy it either. Comments?
FROM THE AUTHOR TO THE AGENT:
Former classmates find forgiveness and love while investigating a crime from their past.
ALEX HAMILTON went to jail for eighteen months because of MIRANDA SMITH. Then he disappeared without a word to anyone. Twelve years later, Alex is back in Chicory, Louisiana with his eleven year old niece, KATIE, in tow. Other than that, not much has changed. He’s still innocent and he still has feelings for Miranda Smith.
And someone is still trying to frame him.
FROM THE AGENT TO THE PUBLISHERS--with his errors:
When a former classmate shows up to register his niece at the Christian school where Miranda is principal, memories of her reporting her suspicions about his activity during her senior year come alive. Yet as a hands-on principal she is often forced to work with him, leading to a budding romantic relationshiponly to have that threatened by hate mail and a bomb threat that again point to him. The relationship is saved when a jealous former classmate is discovered to be the cause of all of the incidents.