Sunday, July 19, 2009

Starting Over

My mind is blank when it comes to blogging these days. I'm not sure why. I feel as though I'm starting everything from scratch. Nonfiction writing, being president of the local writers' group and handling our contest, thinking about our upcoming conference and in charge of a couple of the speakers, doing a few one-on-one critiques with new writers, trying to fit in with a new crit group . . . all of this feels overwhelming. It's not that I'm busy with all things constantly--just constantly thinking of all these things. I find myself escaping into the "I wish I designed jewelry" mindset. That's where I escape to when I mentally procrastinate. I find it relaxing to design jewelry in my mind. :-)

I'm thinking of other things too: the 2009 NaNoWrMo and finishing the novel I started last year. That's my goal for November. Every year I write 100 pages of a book. Thanksgiving comes around and I quit writing, so it makes sense to start with page 101 and finish the book before Thanksgiving. Right? Sure it does!

My biggest problem is: rewriting Miranda for the secular (general) market place.
Or do I? That's the big question--do I? I really wanted to be a part of the Christian writing arena but I'm not sure I fit in.

Another problem is: looking for a new agent. Or do I?
Why should I? Answer: I've lost faith in my agent. He hasn't been encouraging or knowlegeable about the markets available to me. I don't like his submission methods. He has no follow-up. I think he handles too many clients for what he's capable of. This is my observation only. But when I see clients leaving him and going to other agents, I feel as though I'm the last rat on a sinking ship.
So why shouldn't I? I should. I just DID. I needed motivation and I got it because. . .I've spotted a new agent that seems interesting and has a lot on the ball. She's a former editor. That gives her an advantage in my opinion. I think she'll make a name for herself. Now I'll have to decide if I have the courage to query her. ;/

It would be nice to have someone tell me exactly what to do. I'm good with deadlines. Really good. I wish I had an editor or an agent who would give me one, take control, tell me exactly what I need to be doing. Guess that's asking a little too much, huh? And like my husband says, "if you have to ask, then you already know."

I'm not starting over. I'm just chasing my own tail. Trying to accomplish something but not getting anything done. I've become so fascinated with 'chasing my tail' that I Googled it to see if there is a remedy for curing it. Of course, there is. (There's a remedy for everything. All you have to do is Google.)

The remedy applies to dogs but makes sense for humans too. Here are 3 solutions for tail-chasers:

1) Get involved in a lifestyle enrichment program, including increased exercise, and a healthy diet.
2) Alleviate oppressive circumstances such as excessive periods of confinement.
3) Medication.

Some people have tried amputation of the tail but that does not resolve the problem.

I've taken the first step. I'm agent-less now. And that doesn't bother me one bit because God is in control. He may bring me this new young vivacious agent - or He may send me back to the secular market. He gave me the desire and the talent; He won't abandon me.

So this week I resolve to focus. On something. Pray that I don't focus on chasing my tail.
Have a good week.


The Voice said...

Did you know irritation was the identical twin to procrastination? If one (meaning myself) is irritated in their 'real' life she finds no time to write. Writing to me has always been my way to get away, but the mind has to be free. On the road (the true sandy)to Surfside Beach this weekend I remembered how great it was to just breath and write about clouds, splashing water and decided this would be the week to get deep into my writing.I also think I'll take suggestions 2 and 3 in mind.

jess said...

Nancy, I think you and I know entirely too much about procrastination. :) Have a safe trip to Surfside Beach and have fun. I went there many years ago and RE-wrote my very first novel. A vendor I knew through work offered me a beach house (which was a trailer) for a week. I did nothing but write, write, write. Maybe I need to try that again. Free the mind...with no distractions.

Hope you come home revitalized and with fresh ideas. You're a good writer!

Mindy Blanchard said...

As always, your written "voice" cracks me up. I miss you and then I log into blogger and catch up with my old friend via her blog. You are truly amazing. You are exactly where you need to be right this minute. It sounds like looking for a new agent is the way for you to go. NaNoWriMo will be great this year. No sweat. You got this under control!!! hugs

Jake Chambers said... inspire me and my feeble attempt at writing. to have so many 'irons' in the fire as you listed, i understand your 'starting over'... but knowing you as i do.... this is just you getting your second wind. look out world...jess is re-winding...

jess said...

Mindy... I'll be glad when you can come back to our meetings. I miss you! Glad I crack you up. You make me feel as if I'm still funny. :)

jess said...

Awwwww, Jake. Me? Rewinding? Ha!
But I have been researching publishers and I think I have a few who'll look at my novel without an agent. I believe I'll try that first. :-) Hey...maybe I AM rewinding! :)

Erica Vetsch said...

Maybe it's less starting over as taking a new direction? Nothing wrong with taking a new direction.

Pamela S Thibodeaux said...

Oh Jess I know exactly how you feel!!!

Starting over - changing directions...doesn't matter as long as you're doing something.

You do have talent and you need to keep using it!

Good luck and God's blessings!