Thursday, June 21, 2007

On Second Thought...

Another suggestion has been made:

A principal unknowingly endangers her school when she tries to clear the name of a former classmate she sent to jail ten years ago.

What say you? Are you wondering how and why she sent him to jail? The word sent bothers me. And what you may not know is that 10 years ago they were seniors in high school and she squealed on him when she heard that he had plans to 'harm' their school. That's how he ended up in jail. Today she's the assistant principal of a very small private school. Do these unknowns make a difference? They do to me but we have to keep our one-liner short so every word must paint a picture.

I'll be out of pocket for several days so put your thinking cap on and help me out here. :)

5 comments:

Lisa said...

Wow! You got busy posting. I don't check in a couple of days and what happens? LOL!

Okay, I've been thinking about your one-liner. How about:

Danger threatens a small school when the man accused of plotting to blow up his high school returns from jail.

What you think?

Sandra Robbins said...

I think you're worrying about this hook too much, Jess. Just choose one and go on to the next part of the proposal. After all, an editor will buy it if the writing is good, and I know yours is.

Sandra

Anonymous said...

There's always one phrase that bugs me. "Returns from jail" doesn't work...because he's not returning from jail. LOL

Sandra, I think you're right but I have moved on... I just keep regressing. LOL

this is me...easier to be anonymous than have to sign on. LOL

Christa said...

Ditto what Sandra said! (Though I do agree about the sent, but move on, girlie!)

upwords said...

Hey Jess,

Just go for it. You know I have a story something like that but the hook doesn't really explain the relationships. The hook is important but your characters will make all the difference. Look forward to hearing more.